Last night, my brother and I were driving home and I began to cry. For the last year, my car has really been the only place that I call my own. It’s not that I lived out of it, but I sorta did – but i’ll save that story for another post.
So it’s fair to say that my car has become my sanctuary, where I have cried the most. Up until 2019, I was the poster child for stoicism – I did not cry. But since 2019, I have been on a journey to allow myself to feel all the motions that I denied myself while growing up. Hence, the tears – again, another story for another post.
Anyways, I have been crying almost every day since September 2020… and it’s April 2021. Most of the time, it’s been in my car. And allowing myself the space to cry whenever I need to has become very easy. And it happens to be that my brother was there in the car when I needed to cry.
So we pulled over to the ASU Research Park and he suggested we go for a walk. We talked about a lot of things over the 2 hours we spent walking laps around the beautiful lake there: our mom, our childhood, our fears, our current struggles, God, and…. we talked about why it is so hard for me to move on from the person who dumped me in September 2020.
I haven’t used the word “dump” until this post. And I think it’s because it’s such a nasty, immature word. And I like to think that mature adults don’t dump each other. I like to think that adults respect each other enough to end things as kindly as possible.
But he dumped me. He dumped me via text.